i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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