She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
