Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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