i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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