I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
