you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
