it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
