nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
