a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
