I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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