I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
