Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He better not be in your backpack
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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