My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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