i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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