Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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