Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
