my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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