Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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