i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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