16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's like iHOP with fire
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
