He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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