It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
