I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
