The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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