Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
