Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
