Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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