dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
