He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
