Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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