guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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