I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
