You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
