i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
