I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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