My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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