I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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