He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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