I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
