The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
