I feel like abortions should bother me more
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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