i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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