So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
