i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
