Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
