wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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