Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
