u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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