Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
