my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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