was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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