he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
