I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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