'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
