I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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