maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
