Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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