Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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