so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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