nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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